Personal Responsibility Matters

By Shannon

Pic from www.parksidepolice.com

During January 2011, 15 police officers in 10 states were murdered on duty and the month is not over yet.  In 2010, murder of officers was up 40%.  A friend asked me why I thought this new trend existed.  I’m not an expert, but my initial assessment is that rather than fearing the consequences of the action, criminals are now making their bones by killing cops. 

In 2009, 80% of all crime in America was gang-related.  In 2009, it was estimated that 1 million Americans were in a gang.  That means that approximately 0.3% (LESS than 1 percent) of the population commit 80% of the crime.  http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2009-01-29-ms13_N.htm

To get into a gang you must prove you “have heart.”  If you are a guy that means you’ve got to take a beating from 3 or more guys at the same time.  It’s okay if you lose.  It’s okay if you fall down.  It’s not okay if you curl into a fetal position.  You must keep fighting or you “got no heart.”  If you are a female you must agree to be gang raped or raped by an HIV+ male. 

My friend was astonished and asked.  “Why would anyone agree to any of that?”  I’ll get to that in a minute.

All gangs have Constitutions and hierarchies within the gang.  All gangs have rules and if you violate those rules you will be disciplined.  Discipline can mean a beating or it can mean being executed by your “friends.”  Once upon a time one rule all gangs shared was that you better not bring law enforcement down on the gang.  Times are changing.  Now criminals often have candles like Catholic saints candles, but these new candles are “Law Enforcement Keep Away” candles and often have prayers written on them asking God to keep the law away, so the owner can complete his “righteous” mission of drug or human trafficking.  Cops are no longer seen as protectors.  They are seen as the problem.    

Why would anyone want to be in an organization where they have to prove they “have heart” in the ways I explained?  Why would anyone risk execution by “friends”?  It’s because of the breakdown of the family unit and especially the absence of the American father.  Fathers in America walk away from families and children too frequently.  Mothers do it too, but not as often as fathers.  We’re still shocked when a mom does it.  John Eldrege wrote companion books called Captivating and Wild at Heart that cover what girls and boys need.  While mothers do the nurturing and caretaking and are infinitely important, fathers answer the deep heart questions within the child of either gender.  A boy’s heart question is “Do I have what it takes to be a man?”  A girl’s heart question is “Am I lovely?”  We girls want life to be about more than chores and duty.  We want love, adventure, and romance.  “Am I lovely, Daddy?” translates to “Am I worthy of love, adventure, and romance, Daddy?”

The internet is full of statistics about the breakdown of families today, but I’m more interested in the solution.  Two days ago I wrote about personal responsibility as it relates to the state of our nation.  Today I want to talk briefly about how it relates to the state of our families. 

Men (and women), you have no excuse and no right to walk away from your children.  None.  Not ever.  You have no excuse and no right to insult your children, call them names, or emotionally abuse them.  None.  Not ever.  You have no right to throw your lives away once you have children.  None.  Not ever.  Science now knows what causes pregnancy, so if you don’t want a child use birth control.  Understand though that no matter what kind of birth control you use the result of sex can ALWAYS be a pregnancy.  “I was just looking for a good time.” or “I didn’t sign on for this” or “She’s trying to trap me!” are not excuses to walk away. 

Women, we have a biological imperative to mate with good providers and protectors.  That biological imperative can be seen throughout nature.  A female eagle flies high and drops a stick over and over again.  The male eagle who catches it the most times is the one she chooses as a mate.  Her test shows that if her child falls out of the nest, her husband will be able to save it before it hits the ground.  Choose good mates who will catch you and your children even if the latter is an unplanned “oops!”  Learn about an eagle's mating process here.

What about single moms who don’t have the luxury of having a father figure around?  My heart goes out to you.  Find a safe male role model for your child.  It can be an uncle, adult cousin, grandfather, etc.  My maternal grandfather thought I hung the moon and loved me completely and because of him I feel very secure in who I am most of the time.  In those moments that I’m not, I turn to God who said, “If you come to me, I will NEVER reject you.”  (Paraphrase based on John 6:37.)

This is a longer post than normal, but it’s a subject weighing heavily on my heart.  Here’s the bottom line: 

First, respect officers and teach your children to do the same.  Remember how we honored them in the days after 9/11?  They come running when you are in trouble. 

Second, if you are a mom or a dad then take personal responsibility for the child you brought into the world.

Third, if you know a child who doesn’t have a mom or a dad STEP UP.  Help answer their heart questions.

Fourth, understand that if you don’t make your children feel accepted and loved, they can find a gang who will.