Wax Eloquent

By Ann

I am a lawyer.  Yes, a public defender is a lawyer but that’s fodder for another blog.
Every day I go to work to fight the good fight.  I protect and defend my clients when they are charged with a crime.  I represent the interests of people who are about to be committed to an institution due to a mental illness or old age.  In court and in the legal system, I am the mouthpiece for the poor, unfortunate soul that I represent.  I get paid to present logic in debate  and to be a zealous advocate.  I have the legal training, background, and license to do this. And yet, there are times that despite my superior analytical skills and superb articulate dexterity, all I can utter is a clear and resounding.......Um.  Uh. Um. 

Picture can be purchased at http://www.cafepress.com/public_defender/1030936

Defendant:  Ramble. Ramble. Ramble.  Ramble. Ramble. Ramble. Whine. Ramble.
Judge:  Defendant if you say one more word, one more- I am going to go outside, turn on my car, and suck on the tailpipe until I die.
Ms.  Defender is there anything you’d like to add?


Defender:  Your guilty plea was continued
Client:   Didn’t I take a flea bargain.  Or was it my friend who took a flea bargain?

Judge:  Counsel, are you prepared to make closing arguments.
Defendant:  Wakes up from his sleep and raises his head from a pool of drool that sticks to his mouth by a string as he lifts his head. 

Judge: Well you will go to jail.
Defendant:  But I got grand - mom seizures!!!!

It’s days like these that I feel that the six figure educational debt that I incurred was well worth it.  Yes, it was worth it for the privilege of being able to expose my impeccably superior oratory skills in court. 

Um.  Uh.  Um.