By Shannon
Besides lawyers, only doctors can possibly grasp the stress of law school and of practicing. In what other profession can you forever lose your right to practice your profession by making a mistake? In what other profession must you read thousands of pages in a week to do your job? In what other profession (besides mothering a newborn) are you expected to run on little to no sleep for weeks and months at a time? The answer? None.
I'm in the middle of a capital murder trial. A man's freedom is at stake. I cannot afford to make mistakes. I cannot afford to miss a piece of evidence and possibly take away the freedom of an innocent man. I'm certain of this man's guilt because he confessed, but still I tossed and turned for weeks worrying about the appropriate punishment. Was what the law prescribed just in this case? Where in the range was the right number? The victim has been dead for 17 years. He and his family deserve justice. Can I get it for him? What if I fail him and his family?
Criminal lawyers do not get up and decide to try a case one day. In normal cases we spend weeks preparing and a week or so trying the case. In a capital case we spend MONTHS preparing and at least a month trying the case and if it is a death case then we spend another month just picking a jury. On top of all that we still have to manage the rest of our cases. We still have to return phone calls and attempt to find justice in other cases even while we are consumed by the case before us. There is a reason for the old saying: "The law is a jealous mistress." Most of us will tell you she's a bitchy one too.
This murder case has consumed the last 2 months of my life. At this point I'm just lucky if I still find time to brush my hair and I'm pleased when I remember to do it. To decompress I went to my book club on Monday. I've not read the book. I just needed some fun with friends. When I arrived I confessed that I had not read even a page. Our hostess asked why not. I said, "I'm in the middle of a capital murder trial." There was dead silence. Finally the hostess asked with the furrowed brow of someone deeply confused by my seemingly unrelated response, "So you can't read?" When I told Ann this story she interruped me here with a resounding, "NO!" I answered my friend with the same word, but spoken more softly. Another reader tried to offer understanding, "I remember how stressed I would get around finals in school. Is trial like a big test?" Ummmmm.... Well.... I tried to explain though my patience was wearing thin (another side effect of trial), "Well, it's like a law school final that goes on for a month. You see in law school we read around 1000 pages of small print each week. After 4-5 months of that, we get only one test per class and that is a 3-4 hour final exam in each class. That is the entire basis of our grade - no pop quizzes - no term papers. The professors are required to fail a certain percentage of us even if we all get every answer correct. Trial is the mental, physical, and emotional stress of doing that every day for the duration of trial." I paused. I waited. Only the crickets answered me. Finally they recovered from their shock and ignored what I said. Everyone else had read the assigned chapters, so they discussed them and silently judged me for thinking I was too busy to read a few chapters. After all they are busy too. Maybe they're right to judge me. After all they really are busy too. Who am I to be too busy to read a few chapters? I mean after all it is only a man's freedom and a victim's justice that is resting in my hands this month. Maybe I could have found time to read for fun.
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