Today was Valentine’s Day and I am not in the mood to celebrate. Even though I am not unattractive, I am a female lawyer and that has put me at a disadvantage with the opposite sex.
I hurriedly walk past support staff throughout the courthouse and try to drown out their high pitched squeals as they revel in their gifts and romantic war stories.
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Papers, papers everywhere and not a time to think. Appeals must be written in time. Phone calls must be returned. Motions must be filed. Clients must be seen. Court appearances are imminent and negotiations without bargaining power are a never ending reality. Appointments are scheduled in hourly increments even though there aren’t any free hours. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. My phone is screaming at me, the walls are caving in, I am overwhelmed and out of breath as I stand up and leave to go to the ladies room. At least I can get a minute of peace in there. Or so I thought.
I run out to the hallway and before I get to the door I see them. Two young men in thug-gear. “Ms. Defender! Excuse me. Excuse me.” I hear them but I run. I don’t want to talk about anyone’s case, or hear their unending excuses, and I do not want to discredit whatever theory some idiotic jailhouse lawyer came up with. But I turn my head and I do this just in time to see yet another young lawbreaker get off of his cell phone to say , “Oh you’re Ms. Defender?” I am now resigned to take this lynching.
The kid on the phone yells out that he just wants to thank me for all the work I did on his case. The other two come up to me with wide eyes and ask if I remember them. They remember me and the work I did on their case and they just wanted to let me know how much it meant to them.
I am touched by this and I am ashamed by my self indulgent cynicism.
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It is at this moment that I think of Seabiscuit. Seabiscuit is a great movie. I love Seabiscuit. He was a small and unassuming underdog who lifted the spirits of Americans as he became a champion against all odds.
Do I love that movie because I feel like an underdog as a public defender? Do I identify with the undervalued and overlooked thoroughbred because I am a chronically single female lawyer? Do I love the movie because it reminds me of these appreciative and disenfranchised kids? Is it because I hope they can overcome the odds and prevail like the infamous racehorse?
The movie ends with the jockey narrating, "You know everyone thinks that we found this broken down horse and fixed him, but we didn't, he fixed us, every one of us, and I guess in a way we kinda fixed each other too". http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seabiscuit_%28film%29
Did I think of that movie because when I was wallowing in self pity and drowning in anxiety, these kids reminded me of the value of my work and “fixed me”?
I don’t know.
Maybe I just like the movie.
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ReplyDeleteAnn,
ReplyDeleteI have disageed with nearly all of your posts. but, if it wasnt for people like you, the underdogs would never have a chance. I dont believe that anyone would ever try and argue that you was not sincere and dedicated to what you believe is right. so dont be depressed on valentines day, because I am sure that God loves people as dedicated as you are.