Survive with Dignity

By Ann

flickr.com

I was just a kid when I learned what it meant to have dignity.   We were in the city and it is impossible to find a parking spot in the city.   We found one but we just passed it so my grandmother and I got out to stand in the spot while my mother drove around the block.   We stood there and within seconds a long, lincoln towncar driven by a big guy in a suit with an even bigger guy in the passenger seat.  They yelled to my grandmother to take a walk.  She told them to get lost because she’s holding this spot.  

My grandmother stood there.   At less than five feet tall, wearing a fur coat, tons of gaudy jewelry, and little black heels, she stood.  The car backed into the spot within inches of her petite frame and I started to back away towards the sidewalk.   The guys began to scream obscenities at her and I ran onto the sidewalk because they could break us in half with either  their bare hands or their car, it didn’t matter.   But then they stopped backing up just  so that the passenger could open the door to better yell at her.  I was on the sidewalk and watched her stay put.   She did not move.   She did not back down.  She held her ground. Overcome with shame, I ran back into the spot with her.  I knew it was suicide but I could not let her stand alone.   I ran to her side and shook worse than my dog after a bath.   But I looked at her, mirrored her posture, and held my head high.  After the guys finally left, she looked down at me and told me to never run away again.  She let me know that it is ok to be scared, it is ok to be terrified, but it is never ok to give your dignity to anyone. 

amnesty.ca

Today we are bombarded with victims.  The victim mentality has swept the nation and everyone wants to be one.   32 states have amended their constitutions to include a bill of rights for crime victims.   http://www.ncvc.org/ncvc/main.aspx?dbName=DocumentViewer&DocumentID=32697   

Victims even have their own week.   

co.jefferson.co.us

This is a double edged sword.  It is empowering to real victims but it is exploited by attention seeking individuals who want to shirk personal responsibility.  They desperately cling to the title of victim at any cost, even to that of their own dignity. That is not to say that I am opposed to protecting people from being further victimized by the system and I don’t engage in the blaming the victim game for bona fide victims. 

 I just wonder why more people don’t want to be survivors.

   

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Your-Such-An-Attention-Seeker-Get-Over-Yourself-You-Aint-Nothing-Special/328554315237

Some “victims” come to court sentencings and always ask for the maximum penalty by law. They stand up and as they start to recite their overly rehearsed speech, I drown out their voices and in my head all  I can  hear is “I’m ready for my close up Mr. Demille.” 

For example, I represented a kid who had a temper tantrum at his mother’s house and broke some stuff.  The State charged him with a burglary because after a bitter argument with his mom, he broke in to her home to argue some more and to break stuff.   She came to his sentencing and the whole family took turns exclaiming how scared they were and how he shouldn’t be able to do this and they talked about themselves a lot.  This kid was 18 and he grew up in a foster home.  When he was a toddler, his mother gave him up to a foster home but kept little sister who was just a year younger.   She couldn’t afford both of them.  Of course he now acted out and broke some stuff.   She rejected him again and couldn’t take responsibilty for her part in his dysfunction.  She, of course, didn’t mention any of this in court. 

 Because of her grandstanding, he was sent to state prison with a felony at only 18 years old.  This woman, this victim, got her five minutes of fame in the courtroom, she insisted on a felony for her son, she gave up his childhood for him, and now she robbed him of his future.  The court then unilaterally decided that this kid did not deserve a chance. 

Bravo!

Too bad she didn’t have a little guidette grandmother to teach her about dignity.