A public defender has a thankless job. I am a public defender but I am definitely not in it for the glory. I am always fighting an uphill battle and with less than half the resources than those bestowed upon my private counterparts or even the government. Nonetheless, I do what I can because I am motivated by deeply rooted personal convictions and thankfully, a lack of need for prestige and wealth.
Still, every once in a while I need to vent. Today is one of those "once in a whiles". The judge was a little late and the prosecutor and I came to an agreement. My client just needed to fill out the appropriate documents. I asked the secretary if we could fill them out. She took the opportunity to admonish me like a five year old and tell me that I could not be trusted to fill out papers with my client without judicial supervision because things "disappear."
That's right. This secretary implied that I would steal court papers if I was not supervised. So what that I had been working in that courtroom for the last 5 years. So what that she would give the same papers to private attorneys, police, prosecutors, etc. Apparently, I could not be trusted to do the same.
The prosecutor, a good friend of mine, laughed and told me that I am a leper, a pariah because of my status as a public defender.
No matter that I graduated at the top of my class in college. No matter that I graduated from law school. No matter that I am a licensed professional. No matter that I have worked in that courtroom for years.
I am a public defender and the public has that confused with a public port-o-potty. I have the unique privilege of taking abuse from clients, court staff, the police, the general public, and anyone else who happens to cross my path. I get to do this all while defending people who are usually less than helpful in their own defense.
So here is a famous rant by another frustrated public defender.
Originally Posted: Tue, 26 Apr 10:49 PDT
Some Advice From Your Public Defender
Date: 2005-04-26, 10:49AM PDT
First, let me say I love my job and it is a privilege to work for my clients. I wish I could do more for them. That being said, there are a few things that need to be discussed.
You have the right to remain silent. So SHUT THE FUCK UP. Those cops are completely serious when they say your statements can and will be used against you. There�s just no need to babble on like it�s a drink and dial session. They are just pretending to like you and be interested in you.
When you come to court, consider your dress. If you�re charged with a DUI, don�t wear a Budweiser shirt. If you have some miscellaneous drug charge, think twice about clothing with a marijuana leaf on it or a t-shirt with the �UniBonger� on it. Long sleeves are very nice for covering tattoos and track marks. Try not to be visibly drunk when you show up.
Consider bathing and brushing your teeth. This is just as a courtesy to me who has to stand by you in court. Smoking 5 generic cigarettes to cover up your bad breath is not the same as brushing. Try not to cough and spit on my while you speak and further transmit your strep, flu, and hepatitis A through Z.
I�m a lawyer, not your fairy godmother. I probably won�t find a loophole or technicality for you, so don�t be pissed off. I didn�t beat up your girlfriend, steal that car, rob that liquor store, sell that crystal meth, or rape that 13 year old. By the time we meet, much of your fate has been sealed, so don�t be too surprised by your limited options and that I�m the one telling you about them.
Don�t think you�ll improve my interest in your case by yelling at me, telling me I�m not doing anything for you, calling me a public pretender or complaining to my supervisor. This does not inspire me, it makes me hate you and want to work with you even less.
It does not help if you leave me nine messages in 17 minutes. Especially if you leave them all on Saturday night and early Sunday morning. This just makes me want to stab you in the eye when we finally meet.
For the guys: Don�t think I�m amused when you flirt or offer to �do me.� You can�t successfully rob a convenience store, forge a signature, pawn stolen merchandise, get through a day without drinking, control your temper, or talk your way out of a routine traffic stop. I figure your performance in other areas is just as spectacular, and the thought of your shriveled unwashed body near me makes me want to kill you and then myself.
For the girls: I know your life is rougher than mine and you have no resources. I�m not going to insult you by suggesting you leave your abusive pimp/boyfriend, that you stop taking meth, or that your stop stealing shit. I do wish you�d stop beating the crap out of your kids and leaving your needles out for them to play with because you aren�t allowing them to have a life that is any better than yours.
For the morons: Your second grade teacher was right � neatness counts. Just clean up! When you rob the store, don�t leave your wallet. When you drive into the front of the bank, don�t leave the front license plate. When you rape/assault/rob a woman on the street, don�t leave behind your cell phone. After you abuse your girlfriend, don�t leave a note saying that you�re sorry.
If you are being chased by the cops and you have dope in your pocket � dump it. These cops are not geniuses. They are out of shape and want to go to Krispy Kreme and most of all go home. They will not scour the woods or the streets for your 2 grams of meth. But they will check your pockets, idiot. 2 grams is not worth six months of jail.
Don�t be offended and say you were harassed because the security was following you all over the store. Girl, you were wearing an electronic ankle bracelet with your mini skirt. And you were stealing. That�s not harassment, that�s good store security.
And those kids you churn out: how is it possible? You�re out there breeding like feral cats. What exactly is the attraction of having sex with other meth addicts? You are lacking in the most basic aspects of hygiene, deathly pale, greasy, grey-toothed, twitchy and covered with open sores. How can you be having sex? You make my baby-whoring crack head clients look positively radiant by comparison.
"I didn't put it all the way in." Not a defense.
"All the money is gone now." Not a defense
"The bitch deserved it." Not a defense.
"But that dope was so stepped on, I barely got high." Not a defense.
"She didn't look thirteen." Possibly a defense; it depends.
"She didn't look six." Never a defense, you just need to die.
For those rare clients that say thank-you, leave a voice mail, send a card or flowers, you are very welcome. I keep them all, and they keep me going more than my pitiful COLA increase.
For the idiots who ask me how I sleep at night: I sleep just fine, thank you. There's nothing wrong with any of my clients that could not have been fixed with money or the presence of at least one caring adult in their lives. But that window has closed, and that loss diminishes us all.
You have the right to remain silent. So SHUT THE FUCK UP. Those cops are completely serious when they say your statements can and will be used against you. There�s just no need to babble on like it�s a drink and dial session. They are just pretending to like you and be interested in you.
When you come to court, consider your dress. If you�re charged with a DUI, don�t wear a Budweiser shirt. If you have some miscellaneous drug charge, think twice about clothing with a marijuana leaf on it or a t-shirt with the �UniBonger� on it. Long sleeves are very nice for covering tattoos and track marks. Try not to be visibly drunk when you show up.
Consider bathing and brushing your teeth. This is just as a courtesy to me who has to stand by you in court. Smoking 5 generic cigarettes to cover up your bad breath is not the same as brushing. Try not to cough and spit on my while you speak and further transmit your strep, flu, and hepatitis A through Z.
I�m a lawyer, not your fairy godmother. I probably won�t find a loophole or technicality for you, so don�t be pissed off. I didn�t beat up your girlfriend, steal that car, rob that liquor store, sell that crystal meth, or rape that 13 year old. By the time we meet, much of your fate has been sealed, so don�t be too surprised by your limited options and that I�m the one telling you about them.
Don�t think you�ll improve my interest in your case by yelling at me, telling me I�m not doing anything for you, calling me a public pretender or complaining to my supervisor. This does not inspire me, it makes me hate you and want to work with you even less.
It does not help if you leave me nine messages in 17 minutes. Especially if you leave them all on Saturday night and early Sunday morning. This just makes me want to stab you in the eye when we finally meet.
For the guys: Don�t think I�m amused when you flirt or offer to �do me.� You can�t successfully rob a convenience store, forge a signature, pawn stolen merchandise, get through a day without drinking, control your temper, or talk your way out of a routine traffic stop. I figure your performance in other areas is just as spectacular, and the thought of your shriveled unwashed body near me makes me want to kill you and then myself.
For the girls: I know your life is rougher than mine and you have no resources. I�m not going to insult you by suggesting you leave your abusive pimp/boyfriend, that you stop taking meth, or that your stop stealing shit. I do wish you�d stop beating the crap out of your kids and leaving your needles out for them to play with because you aren�t allowing them to have a life that is any better than yours.
For the morons: Your second grade teacher was right � neatness counts. Just clean up! When you rob the store, don�t leave your wallet. When you drive into the front of the bank, don�t leave the front license plate. When you rape/assault/rob a woman on the street, don�t leave behind your cell phone. After you abuse your girlfriend, don�t leave a note saying that you�re sorry.
If you are being chased by the cops and you have dope in your pocket � dump it. These cops are not geniuses. They are out of shape and want to go to Krispy Kreme and most of all go home. They will not scour the woods or the streets for your 2 grams of meth. But they will check your pockets, idiot. 2 grams is not worth six months of jail.
Don�t be offended and say you were harassed because the security was following you all over the store. Girl, you were wearing an electronic ankle bracelet with your mini skirt. And you were stealing. That�s not harassment, that�s good store security.
And those kids you churn out: how is it possible? You�re out there breeding like feral cats. What exactly is the attraction of having sex with other meth addicts? You are lacking in the most basic aspects of hygiene, deathly pale, greasy, grey-toothed, twitchy and covered with open sores. How can you be having sex? You make my baby-whoring crack head clients look positively radiant by comparison.
"I didn't put it all the way in." Not a defense.
"All the money is gone now." Not a defense
"The bitch deserved it." Not a defense.
"But that dope was so stepped on, I barely got high." Not a defense.
"She didn't look thirteen." Possibly a defense; it depends.
"She didn't look six." Never a defense, you just need to die.
For those rare clients that say thank-you, leave a voice mail, send a card or flowers, you are very welcome. I keep them all, and they keep me going more than my pitiful COLA increase.
For the idiots who ask me how I sleep at night: I sleep just fine, thank you. There's nothing wrong with any of my clients that could not have been fixed with money or the presence of at least one caring adult in their lives. But that window has closed, and that loss diminishes us all.
PostingID: 70300494
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I couldn't have said it better!
Loved the sleep at night paragraph at the end. Thanks for the rant.
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